Throughout this journey I’ve been very positive in my mindset. Knowing where I want to go and researching how to get there. To many, where I see myself is “impossible.” I even had a friend who read the book tell me, “I really liked your book, but if you make it, then I’m going to hate you.” I asked why and they have me a half-assed answer. You shouldn’t hate me for making it, especially as a friend. You’re not the one pursuing your dreams at all, so there’s literally nobody to be mad at, other than yourself. Now, that’s a slight tangent. Basically, I have so much negativity that surrounds me and this wears me down. Last week, I was the most worn down that I’d ever been. I was studying for finals and then went to my adviser to make sure that I was graduating early. After a talking with a bunch of “yes men/women” this adviser pointed out something different. A credit miscalculation. I still have to take a Spring semester with a 17 credit course load. That fucked me up! I figured that this spelled doom for my relationship and that my Christmas would be ruined because everyone would be giving me gifts that I didn’t deserve.
I called my girlfriend to explain the situation, all the while realizing that this puts a strain on us. As can be expected; an argument arouse about what I’m doing if this and that don’t work out. We eventually came to an understanding that we are still as much in love with one another and that we would talk over the Winter Break. At this time I decided that I need to start applying to places elsewhere. Yes, I’m fully aware that by creating a Plan B, I’m not allowing enough time to hone my crafts for Plan A. But, I also know that you need to have money and support yourself. I called up Rudy and told him that I was lost. His psychic powers aren’t as strong over the phone and I still felt just as lost. This made me even more frightened about the unknown. I’m slightly pivoting but I feel that life is way too long to not make it and become who I want to be. I believe that those who think bigger will still end up where they want, simply because they’re unsatisfied with anything less.